Today was hard. Very hard. It still is. It’s raw. I was not expecting the kind of emotion I have felt, which, by the way, kind of feels like a bad breakup.

Thursday I received a call from my co-worker. I was off that day, as I work there less than part-time. All I hear from the voice at the other end of the line is that the company is now closed. Twenty-four hours and they had to vacate the premises. My heart sunk. I’ve been there for 12 years. I’ve poured my heart and my soul into this place and invested so much time. We’ve sat and talked and brainstormed on ways to make the company grow, we had nothing to lose. We’ve met some of the most beautiful-hearted people here, real people, raw people. People who are not afraid to let you in. You can ask them anything and they will give you an honest answer just as they’re not afraid to hear the honest answer you have to give them when  they ask for your advise. We’ve created strong bonds and have created friendships that hopefully will last a lifetime.

When I hung up the phone that day, I couldn’t help myself from sobbing. Hubby asked what had happened. After I told him, he looked at me puzzled and said “Really? You’re crying because the place closed? That’s why you’re sad?”.  Taken aback by this lack of understanding which, to me was obvious why I was crying, I replied: “No I’m not sad because it closed. I’m sad that we won’t be interacting anymore. That interaction, that honesty, that realness, that is what strengthens the bond. And it’s no longer there”. All because we got kicked out by new building owners.

Today, I went to help clear out all of the things that we’re worth keeping and drove some of the others home. The goodbyes were harder than I expected.

Some of us were talking since we got the news and were wondering if we should just relocate somewhere else. The higher-ups don’t feel like they have the energy to do that. But some of us do. We want to try.

At this moment, I do not know what to do. As my first blog post mentioned, my time was scarce. I couldn’t do some of the things I was wanting to do. Now I’m left with this free time, and can’t even relish in the idea of having it because I’m conflicted on what to do and emotionally affected by the company closing and the friends I have made that I will be losing touch of. I guess you could say that the company was our meeting point as we all live far away from each other.

All I can think about as I type these lines is relocating. I’m thinking of the different websites I’m going to look at and of which other resources I should look into. But, like one of my other co-workers (who was there even longer than I was) said: “Let’s take the weekend to live out our emotions and we’ll talk again on Monday”.

Anyways, I think I will now go ponder the pros and cons of relocating vs taking the free time to focus on other things.