Alright! So this is it. I’m writing my first blog. Why? I don’t know. I guess I just needed a space to say what I have to say. To vent. To release some tension, thoughts or ideas that have been stuck inside for a while.
When I was younger, I used to always be on the computer. I was either creating some sort of website and filling those pages with poem after poem, or I was dabbling in a graphics program creating some background for said website. I’ve always found a sense of comfort in creating something new and exploring different aspects of “the computer”. Actually, I’ve always been the type of person who likes exploring. I like seeing and doing new things. There’s always something new to learn.
Now, time is scarce. I’m one to speak. I have a boyfriend (of 9 years), two jobs, a house, two dogs (husky mixes. HELLO dog hair!!!), two cats (one of which tries to kill me on a daily basis by always running between my feet when I’m walking), two gerbils, a “new” car that’s a shitbucket that I bought 4 years ago and needed to change the battery twice already (Yes! That’s right! 3 car batteries in 4 years!) AND that I’m still paying for! Oh and not to mention that in the last two years I’ve decided I had some free time (umm… where?) and decided to complete my 200-hour yoga teacher training while doing everything else. Now I’m trying to finish my online teacher training as a complement to my 200YTT. The funny thing is: I don’t even teach! I’m struggling to find the time to do my own practise, so teaching right now, is out of the question. I barely have time to sleep, but then again… what is time? Time is relative.
What I’m starting to realize is that time, in and of itself, is not important. What’s important is how we chose to spend our time.
Are we trying to live up to the expectations that society is putting upon us? When you leave high school you must choose a career path which will determine your whole life. You’re supposed to go to College to earn a degree. After all, no one will hire someone with only a high school diploma. Then, get a job. And by the time you’re 30, you’re supposed to have found a good man, bought a nice, big house with a little white picket fence and popped out a few babies for your parents and in-laws to spoil and go ga-ga over. Meanwhile, you’re expected to work a full time job and contribute to the family income.
Are we spending our time lost in routine? Repeating the same things, in the same order, at the same time, saying the same things, day after day, after day. Wake up. Make breakfast. Go to work. Come back home. Make dinner. Clean up after dinner. For those who have kids: Help them with their homework, bathtime, bedtime, keep them alive. Then, pay the bills, do the laundry, clean the house. By the time everything is done, you’re just exhausted. You want to workout, but you’re too tired. So you skip it. You swear you’ll wake up earlier to make up for the previous days lack of motivation, but hit the snooze button as soon as that alarm rings. Sleep just feels so good.
Eventually, with the exhaustion and the lack of mental stimulation, you start to tune out. Things become automatic. Sometimes, you don’t even know you did half of the shit you did because it’s so routine. You disconnect. You’re in zombie mode! It’s like your brain is shut down, but your body is still working. You’ve been doing the same thing, around the same time everyday, that your brain doesn’t even need to control your body anymore. You’re muscle memory has got you covered! You shut down mentally. You can barely relate and you start thinking to yourself: “There’s gotta be more! THIS is what everyone is striving for? Why?”.
What I’ve realized is that we need to stop. Stop trying to live up to those expectations. Stop trying to have the biggest house or the latest car. Stop trying to fit the mold that you know what… you just don’t fit in. We need to stop and REALLY connect. We need to connect with the people who are around us, our loves ones, those that matter to us. Not just the superficial conversations like “Hi, how was you’re day?” “Great, thanks. And yours?”. NO! We need to get deep and bare our soul. We need to get out of our routines and of the everyday mundane. We need to start creating experiences that will make you look back on the time you have here on Earth as something totally out of this world. Something like when the movie of your life flashes before your eyes in the moments before you die, your very last thought is “Now THAT was a movie worth watching!”. Your worth is not measured by the size of your house or your bank account, or even your status. It’s measured by how you chose to spend your time. You’ve got to make it special. Be genuine and good-hearted. You have to create those moments that will get you through the tough times when shit gets you down. This world, although fucked up as is it, is a beautiful place. Go out there and see it with those you love. Connect with your loved ones. Make memories. Create those special moments that will script the movie of your life.